Ways To Get A Non- Communicating Man To Open Up Thinkstock. If you’re dating a non- communicator, you’ve probably gotten used to just swallowing your feelings, and waiting for things to pass. But, as we all find out eventually, negative feelings don’t just pass. They build up, and drive us emotionally further from our partner. So, your guy isn’t into talking?

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If he’s going to be in a relationship then he has to be. Here’s how to get a non- communicating man to open up. Online Dating Sites For Cyclists on this page. If you go into a rant about yourself, he’ll feel that you never paused to consider where he is coming from. So say, “When you do this, it makes me feel X way, but I know you probably do it because you feel Y way.” Show that you don’t think he is coming from a malicious place, but that you understand his potential train of thought or why he did something. Shutterstock. Pause. Don’t just charge into your speech at full pace, not stopping to think about what you’re sayin until you are done.

If you do that, he will feel spoken at instead of spoken with. Be ready to be derailed: if you pause, he may say something that makes one of your points null, and that’s okay. Making that pause shows that you want to come to a conclusion and that you’re leaving space for his points too, rather than just wanting to fight and only hear your own voice. If your partner is talking, whenever he says something that is true, say, “That I agree with” or nod in agreement. He needs to know that you at least see some of the story from his perspective to feel there is even a point in discussing things with you. Females can end an argument by laying out, vocally, all the things they will do to amend the problem.

Men, however, might not do that. So long as you get the feeling he understands and that he actually cares to fix things, don’t force out a kindergarten style spoken essay on how he will fix things.

Just wait and watch. Some women skirt around issues, thinking that just saying what the problem is might come off rude. It can be uncomfortable, because it’s real confrontation.

But men can handle that. Just tell him in plain words what is upsetting you. Thinkstock. Be a communicator yourself. How can you expect him to communicate if you don’t let anything out yourself? Don’t be passive aggressive. Don’t make jokes about something that actually upsets you. Don’t hold things in, waiting for him to ask what’s wrong because clearly you’re not being yourself.

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Be a communicator. Set the precedent.

If he respects you, he will feel that he owes you communication in return. Maybe he didn’t bring you soup when you were sick once, even though you did do so for him. It doesn’t matter. Once you start keeping score, you’ve opened up Pandora’s box and you will never get to the issue at hand. All that matters is why the present issue bothers you. If you bring up the past, your man will feel like you’re constantly gathering ammo against him.

And while you’re at it, don’t do it over email, or Facebook or any other medium that should only be reserved for light conversation. Bringing something up over text is like saying, “I want to alert you to the fact that I’m mad, but I don’t really want to give you the chance to talk about it.” It comes off that way because nobody can truly express themselves through that type of medium. That’s a sure fire way to get him to be very hesitant about opening up to you in the future. Plus, it’s just an extremely petty thing to do, and you wouldn’t want someone to use sensitive information as ammo to hurt you. Incorporating yourself into his life makes you a friend, as well as a girlfriend. And the more he sees you as a friend, the more likely he is to open up to you. Think about it: you probably tell your man about your issues with your mother much more after he has actually met her, and seen the two of you interact.

Now you feel he has some understanding. Spend time with his friends and family so that he feels you’ve seen much of his life firsthand, and so he can feel comfortable talking to you about his own personal issues with more freedom. Be willing to be proven wrong. Remember: you’re not fighting so you can be right—you’re fighting so that you can be close to your man again and so that your relationship can actually see improvement.

You’re fighting to resolve something, not to win something. So if your partner completely derails your points and proves you wrong, humbly accept that.

Shutterstock. Be there when he wants to open up. If you want a man to open up to you more, then you need to recognize the opportunity when it arises. If your man tries to bring something serious up with you, even if you’re exhausted, even if you have a million other things on your mind, clear your head and listen. When somebody is rejected whilst trying to open up, they fear opening up even more. This is similar to bringing up an issue over text: it seems like it’s not an open discussion, but rather you just telling the person you’re upset and not looking like you’re open to listening to what the other party has to say. Give him the respect of putting your computer/book/vegetable chopper down, giving your full attention and talking to him.