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Disclaimer: This collection of words is far more offensive than informative. The slurs revolve around a handful of categories: promiscuous women, homosexuals, and.

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Funny Dirty Jokes - Dirty Jokes. Dirty Short Bar Jokes. Handjob. Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, . Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, . After about 1. 5 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, . The woman says, .

He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, . You can earn $4. 00 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free.

The officer stops and approaches the guy. Dating India Service here. The guy sobs, . He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up.

Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me. All 3 wants to do something special so they set up some dates. Three days ago Doe kisses him. Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex. Yesterday, who sucks his dick? A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, ! How many is a brazilian??

Girl: But mom, he touched both so I said . A: Bang a lamb a ding dong. Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue.

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog! Q: What do you call an afghan virgin. A: Mever bin laid on. Q: Why did God give men penises?

A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur. A: A lickalotopis. Q. When do you kick a dwarf in the balls? A. When he is standing next to your miss saying her hair smells nice. Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet?

A: Because he was looking for Pooh. If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? Q: Do you know what the square root of 6.

A: Ate something. If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?

Three feet of my cock up your ass. What's the difference between the holidays and sex? During sex, you don't have to pretend to have fun with the whole family. Q: What kind of bees produce milk? A: Boobies. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch. Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking?

She's going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, . The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip. Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? A: They both only change their pads after every third period! Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak.

Q: Whats the best thing about a 1. A: Slick her hair back she looks 1. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? A: The back of my hand.

Q: What do you call 3. A: The PGA tour. Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture. Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say ? A: child bornography. Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 1.

A: Pull some strings. Q: Why can't Jesus eat m& m's?

A: Because he has holes in his hands. Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves. Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done..

Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side? A: You would be all right. Q: What do you get when you cross a potato and corn? A: Porn. Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness?

A: A bucking horse. Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide? A: He got the gas bill. Q: What is a crack head's favorite song?

A: I wanna rock! Q: How do you get retards out of a tree? Indiana Adult Personals Dating more. A: Wave to them! Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? A: Anything you want. Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?

A: He didn't have any arms. Q: What's sicker than a pile of dead babies? A: The one alive in the middle chewing it's way out. Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his cock!

Q: Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? A: Because his pecker is on his head!

Q: What did the penis say to the condom? A: Cover me im going in! Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? A: About three inches. Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano?

A: Crabs on your organ. Q: What's a cuckolds favorite movie? A: Men In Black. Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road? A: Forget about it.

Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 1. A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.

Q: After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, . What's the difference between a bandleader and a gynecologist? A. A bandleader fucks his singers and a gynecologist sucks his fingers. Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies? A: A bingo machine.

Q: Why do men like big tits and a tight ass? A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks. Q: Whats long hard and full of seamen?

A: A submarine. Q: Whats long, Hard and Erects stuff? A: A Crane! Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? A: They named him Sum Ting Wong. Q: Name the five great kings that have brought happiness in to peoples lives. A: Drinking Licking sucking fucking and wanking.

Q: What's the difference between onions and prostitutes? A: I cry when I cut up onions..

Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards. Q: What do you get when you mix LSD and birth control?

A: A trip without the kids! Q: What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? A: Nacho Cheese. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass. Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex? A. Call her and tell her. Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?

A: Because they have cotton balls. Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife? A: 4. 5 lbs. Q: Why do black people not like to go on cruises? A: They already fell for that trick once. Q: What's the job application to Hooters? A: They just give you a bra and say: Here, fill this out. Q: Whats the hardest part of rollerblading?

A: Telling your parents that you are gay. Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate and a molester? A: Rrrrrrrrr Kelly. Q: What do you get when you cross A- Rod with Chris Brown? A: A cheater, cheater, woman beater.

Q: Why don't blind people skydive? A: It scares the shit out of their dogs! Q: What does D. A. M stand for? A: Mothers Against Dyslexia. Q: What do you get when you mix puppies and rabbits? A: Puppets. Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A: It only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Q: How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? A: It depends on how hard you throw them. Q: What's the difference between love, true love, and showing off? A: Spit, swallow, and gargle,Q: What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? A: Slap her on the ass and tell her to get back to work. Q: Why do they call it the wonder bra? A: When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.

Q: What's sicker than having sex with a pregnant woman? A: Having sex with a pregnant woman and getting a bj by the baby. Q: What do you call a teenage girl who doesn't masturbate?

A: A liar. Q: Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? A: You can drop them off anywhere.

Q: Did you hear the joke about the deaf kid? A: He didn't either. Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: For fingering A minor. Q: What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

A: . Q: What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit? A: If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts! Q: What's even better than winning the Special Olympics.

A: Not being a retard. Q: What do 9 out of 1.

A: Gang rape. Q: What do you call a school bus full of white people? A: Twinkie. Q: What did one tampon say to the other? A: Nothing. They were both stuck up bitches.

Q: What do you call a retard in a tree with a brief case? A: Branch Manager. Q: What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you're a teenager before it cums on your face! Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass? A. Very satisfying.

Q: Whats thirty feet long and smells like urine? A: Line dancing at a nusing home. Q: What is the square root of 6. A: Ate something. Q: But do you know what 6. A: A good thing screwed up by a period. Q: What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?

A: The older they get the easier they are to pick up. Q: What does a rubix cube and a Penis have in common?

A: The more you play with it the harder it gets. Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? A: They steal all the green cards.

Q: Why was the African American girl quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't. Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer? A: He was shooting for the stars. Q: What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown? A: Does this taste funny to you?

Q: What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest? A: Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 1. Q: Whats the Diffenence between kinky and perverted? A1: Kinky is when you tickle your girl friends ass with a feather.

A2: Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.. Q: What's the difference between a penis and a bonus? A: Your wife will always blow your bonus! Q: Did you hear the joke about the toilet? A: Never mind it's too dirty.